


Everything, and

by taskemus (bossy)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Angst, Experimental Style, Loneliness, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:10:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2462693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bossy/pseuds/taskemus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward doesn't react to Alphonse's interest in him the way Alphonse had hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything, and

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published 12/30/06 on LiveJournal. This is a weird fic, but trust me on this and read it anyway.
> 
> I'm a survivor and I have the right to write about incest.

So alone he feels claustrophobic, overwhelmed.

 

The space that was his brother’s – still sitting, untouched, air quivering around it and refusing to fill it up. 

 

If Alphonse were to reach out his arm – would he feel his brother?

 

Everything is off, clocks ticking a second behind and then rushing forward faster to make up for it, an uneasy, unstable rhythm.

When his brother left he left the room uneven, unbalanced – and he can finally feel gravity’s pull on him, feel something  
tugging – closed the door and left it that way, only one where there had always been two.

If he could only do it over, stop himself – stop his brother, if he had spoken out that day, if he had only done it himself – if he had convinced Edward to stop chasing after his dream.

But he’s gone and Alphonse can’t chase after it, can’t face his words, can only leave the shades open and let the darkness and cold seep in and just

 

 

sit,  
cross-legged, on the floor, without, and with.  
His heartbeat. What he had been wishing for – he should have known that this body would force him to give it away, would beget a lack of control – 

and his brother didn’t accept it, couldn’t and wouldn’t. For a second Al had thought –  
for years Al had thought – that there was a sliver of hope, somewhere, hidden beneath trusting yellow eyes and a grim, hopeful smile.

 

And without anyone left to lean on, without his mother or Edward or anyone else – Fletcher, he thinks suddenly, a spark of hope, Fletcher who had understood that day – wouldn’t understand this, wouldn’t understand the way Alphonse has always wanted to 

 

kiss, Edward’s lips always so enticing, a warmth he had been dreaming about for countless days, the warmth of his skin forgotten and now forbidden.

Now that his eyes – lingered – expressions so easy to read, Edward had begun to understand – and that was why he asked the questions, Alphonse realizes – not because he was interested himself, because he wanted himself convinced that it wasn’t the case, that Alphonse didn’t think of him in a way he shouldn’t have, shouldn’t 

be,

 

and he isn’t coming back.

 

Sometimes, there is no Equivalent Exchange, there is no anything, like now: Edward is only taking away, has left him alone. And this time even human transmutation won’t help, because there is,

without his brother, Alphonse is –

 

nothing.

 

He doesn’t hear the knock on the door.


End file.
